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5 fave things about your local county fair

topic posted Mon, June 14, 2004 - 6:44 PM by  Kookala
5- The juried art. Last year I said "I could do THAT"...it was made by a blind person-OOPS!

4- The kooks hawking gadgets that shout out one liners from their 1-800 dentist headsets trying to lure you in.

3-Riding the giant swings that glide over the lovely smell of the deep fryer.

2-High quality entertainment! Nelson etc..

#1 Anything on a stick!!!!!!!!!
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Kookala
offline Kookala
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  • Esther
    Esther
    offline 6

    Re: 5 fave things about your local county fair

    Mon, June 14, 2004 - 7:44 PM

    1. the smell of wet farm animals
    2. the smell of sweaty fat people eating funnel cakes
    3. the smell of used diapers
    4. the smell of the overflowed port-o-potty (Royal Flush Co. actually)
    5. the smell of washedup bands like Warrant, Slayer, and RATT
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  • Esther
    Esther
    offline 6

    Re: 5 fave things about your local county fair

    Tue, June 15, 2004 - 10:40 PM
    ...I know I posted before, but here are some more of my favorite things:

    1. those mirrors with the 80s metal bands' logos on them

    2. walking through the "parking lot" (dirt field) which consisted of broken Schlitz bottles,crushed PBR cans, and empty Skoal cans

    3. the drunk, sleepy bum..err...carney with a lazy eye and a patch on the other who smelled like the bottom of a Ripple bottle

    4. the goat with one horn...I mean the "unicorn"

    5. ...and my favorite thing? LEAVING!!!
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    • M
      M
      offline 20

      Re: 5 fave things about your local county fair

      Wed, June 16, 2004 - 4:01 PM

      Fish-Eyed VERY NICE LOL

      Man how do you top that? I totally remember those mirrors with the 80's bands on them. When I was a kid, I won a ZZ Top mirror and my mom cut the shit out of her finger on it. Premium glass!

      1. The horrible artwork on the freak show attractions. You know, the artwork that you see on the walls before you walk inside the door to see the smallest person in the world or the alligator girl.

      2. From top to bottom...
      mullet, black shades, cross earing in right ear, mustache, tank top with deep purple 1988 logo, jean shorts, reaper tattoo on right calf, white tube socks, black converse with tongues sticking out.

      3. The fear of knowing you are one loose bolt away from death on the corkscrew

      4. Knowing that this is the summer vacation for 75% of the families there.

      5. The fine craftmanship of the 3 darts you get to throw at the balloons. Not one of the darts matches each other and they are dull and scummy.

      6. Looking at the guy who is making your sausage sandwich. If you stuck your hands in a landfill full of used diapers, your hands would be cleaner than this guy.

      7. The only place in town where the animals are cleaner and have better dental hygiene than humans.

      8. Winnig a goldfish that is already 90% dead

      9. The hilljacks that walk around with a lifesize scooby-doo stuffed animal acting like they are the shit.

      10. 12 year old girls in tight stripper-wear smoking cigerettes.


      AMERICA AT ITS FINEST!!


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      • Esther
        Esther
        offline 6

        Re: 5 fave things about your local county fair

        Wed, June 16, 2004 - 4:27 PM
        "Fish-Eyed VERY NICE LOL Man how do you top that?"

        ...I think you just did! I live in Mississippi (scary, I know) so I saw my fair share of county fairs. I will say that this state isn't what a lot of people stereotype out to be but we still have those who fit the mold. I grew up on the Gulf Coast so we were for the most part isolated from the rednecks but they came out during the county fair and the fishing rodeo. Yes, you read correctly, a FISHING RODEO! What better way to spend quality family time than to walk around and look at rotten, dead fish! Let me give you my top 5 things about a fishing rodeo.

        1. spirit of a county fair but with fishermen

        2. take your (randall) #2 but put white calf-length water boots on them. We locals call them "Back Bay Reeboks"

        3. Black flies, yellow flies, blow flies, deer flies...

        4. people doing the "Back Bay Shuffle" Allow me explain:
        Okay, imagine a drunk fisherman wearing his Back Bay Reeboks with his faded jeans stuffed into them, and is wearing a flannel shirt (despite the fact that it's like 99.9 degrees with 110% humidity) and an undershirt that reads "Must Be This Tall To Ride (with an arrow pointing to his johnson)and he has a can of PBR in one hand and a Lucky Strike in the other. His "Old Fart" hat is titled to one side (like all good drunks) and one eye is squinting and the other is steadily blining, It's 8 p.m. and he's been drinking since 5...AM. The local Winger tribute band is playing and this bum is swaying/stumpling around in circles asking all the fat chicks to dance with him. When he gets reject he screams "To hell wit all yous bitcheseses. I'll danccce byyy myselffff!" That's the essence of the Back Bay Shuffle and one who performs it.

        5. people ohhh-ing and awww-ing when fish are brought in and put on the scale.


        ...the above can for the most part be applied to any seafood-themed fair: Shrimp Festival, Oyster Festival, Crawfish Festival...you get the idea.
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